Men's 5th XI vs Southend 2

Saffron Walden M5 vs Southend M2

Walden 1 - 2 Southend 

The season drew to a close with a home fixture against Southend 2s, joint league leaders and in the unenviable position of actually needing to beat Saffron Walden to keep their title hopes alive. Walden, meanwhile, sat comfortably in third, sipping metaphorical pints and eyeing a possible promotion spot like a man pretending not to look at the dessert menu.

Much of the pre-match chatter centred around the form of Dave Johnson, whose injuries had, over the past four games, quietly packed their bags and left without so much as a forwarding address. The captain laid down clear tactical instructions — Dave was to operate at approximately 70–75% “northernness.” For context, 0% equates to Rich Brown ordering a 0% Bitburger, while 100% is Dave screaming “you dirty f&%¥ing b*€%tard” directly into the soul of his opposite number.

Dave delivered magnificently within these parameters, producing a man-of-the-match performance that combined controlled aggression, relentless running, and just enough menace to keep things interesting without triggering a disciplinary review.

Walden started brightly, with Mike Gaughan converting an early penalty corner with a drag flick of surprising elegance. It was the sort of finish that suggested muscle memory is a powerful thing, even if the rest of the body strongly disagrees.

Unfortunately, Southend remembered what they were playing for and responded with two well-taken goals, demonstrating the kind of clinical edge that tends to accompany teams chasing silverware. Walden, for all their endeavour, found themselves chasing the game.

There were, however, other moments of note. Rich Dear secured the prestigious Dick of the Day award in spectacular fashion. Having worked himself into a promising shooting position, he unleashed an effort of such vertical ambition that it struck the unfortunate defender directly in the chin. The resulting laceration and near-exsanguination brought a brief pause to proceedings, as players and umpires alike reflected on the dangers of standing in the general vicinity of Rich’s shooting arc.

Despite late pressure, Walden couldn’t find an equaliser, and the match ended 2–1 to Southend — a result that, while disappointing, did little to dampen spirits on a season that has delivered far more highs than lows.

Season Summary

Across the campaign, Walden have combined flashes of genuinely excellent hockey with a level of unpredictability that has kept both opponents and teammates on edge. There have been big wins, narrow losses, and a consistent ability to find the ridiculous in every situation. The game against Redbridge and Ilford, missing lots of regulars and needing a win to capture 3rd place, was a real highlight. Everyone gave their all and the win meant so much.

The younger players have all progressed and developed, and the older fellas have been sagacious. There are whispered rumours that some of them might be former 1st team captains, but they’ll never tell you that.

Third place — and a sniff of promotion — is no small achievement. It reflects a team that has grown, adapted, and continued to enjoy itself throughout.

On to the next season! We might even get promoted…